In which Dr. O totally works herself into a funding-related tizzy

So I’m sitting here at my desk, working on the seminar for my upcoming interview, and I start to think.

<Dr. O’s train of thought>

I’m going to have to give a chalk talk on my interview, so I should really solidify the specific aims for these two grants I’m planning on (eventually) writing.

Hmmm, this set of aims will work great for an R01: I already have a ton of data, and will surely be able to cobble together a paper before I submit.

And this new little exciting idea will make a great app to my favorite private foundation.

So, I’ve got 1) a for-sure funded project (K award), 2) a *safe* project (the R01 app), and 3) a more far-fetched idea (private foundation app). Looking good.

I think.

But… what if I can’t get the R01 funded after two apps? Oh shit. deep cleansing breaths> I’ve got other ideas, the K award will surely produce data for those routes.

But… what if THAT R01 can’t get funded after two apps? OH SHIT. deep cleansing breaths into a paper bag> Something will come through. I’ve got several ideas in the hopper. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

But… what if NONE of my ideas are fundable? What if NIH paylines remain in the single digits? What if I move my family across the country and my lab fails miserably??????? deep cleansing breath, some wheezing, digging through desk drawer to find albuterol inhaler>

I don’t even have a job, and I’m already panicking over the impending financial doom of my non-existent lab.

What’s wrong with me?*


*Rhetorical question