I just realized it yesterday – I’m a pretty mean bitch when I’m preggos. Maybe not in comparison to really mean bitchy people. But definitely in comparison to my normal chatty happy self. In fact, I forgot this past year what it was like to get along with and genuinely like most people, most of the time.
We have a secretary in our department who is, for no better word, interesting. Because of her quirks, she’s a little hard to deal with sometimes. But over the years, I have learned how to get along with her. During my pregnancy, though, I lost all patience with her, and after several run-ins, I started avoiding her. (I avoided several other people, too – she was just the most noticeable since I had previously interacted with her on a daily basis.)
I remember thinking to myself, sometime during my third trimester, “Man, when did I become such a bitch?!?!” It didn’t feel particularly good, but I had no energy for improving myself as a person at that time. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I was doing my best to grow another human being inside of me. That, for those of you who are uninitiated, is exhausting work. The simple task of walking to and from the incubator often left me out of breath.
Just yesterday, though, I experienced an uncharacteristically pleasant conversation with this secretary. We laughed, shared some candy, talked a little department gossip. It was nice… dare I say enjoyable. And then I remembered – I use to enjoy talking to her, once upon a time, before Hubby’s and my spawn took up residence in my belly. I use to enjoy being around people in general. I use to be friendly. I use to be outgoing. I use to be patient. I use to be a genuinely happy person.
And now I think I might be once again. It’s nice to know you get a little of yourself back after it’s all said and done. Kind of makes me want to start working on Spawn #2… at some point.