Make your grant idiot-proof

Want to make sure your grant can pacify even the dimmest reviewer? Have a sleep-deprived new mom edit it for you. She’ll nicely mimic the dimwitted 3rd reviewer with a triaged grant up his/her ass. Not to mention the fact that an exhausted new mother or father might actually end up reviewing your grant. Frankly, anybody reviewing your grant is likely to be worn from reading a pile of grants, at least half of which are incomprehensibly bad (or so I’ve heard). So give them a break, and make sure it can be understood by the thickest of reviewers.

Other good stand-ins for the new mom: a new dad, a second-year grad student, or someone outside of your field. If you’re really brave, you could go for gold and employ the services of your local departmental dumbass. You know who I’m talking about – the imbecile who erases your blot from the imager before it’s done scanning, the ignoramus who doesn’t know how to balance the ultracentrifuge, the numbskull who burns out the UV light on the spec every time he/she measures his/her RNA samples.

At least this is what I’m telling myself as I struggle through a friend’s grant right now, feeling like the biggest idiot of all.


One thought on “Make your grant idiot-proof

  1. Indeed, I did my first NIH study section review with an 8 week old baby. It was awesome. I totally felt like an idiot trying to read some of the proposals, but eventually learned that a lot of it wasn't me, it was them.

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