originally posted on LabSpaces
Today is a much better day in the lab than Friday. I cried as I left for work this morning, but started feeling really good once I got in the lab. I’ve had adult conversations, gotten some serious experiments started for the week, and felt, for the first time in a while, like I’m doing something I’m actually good at. Of course, there’s a guilty weight at the pit of my stomach for feeling this way, but I’ve been able to stay busy enough to (mostly) ignore it.
It hasn’t been all shits and giggles, though. I’m finding it incredibly difficult to pump the same volume that Monkey is taking by bottle at home. I’ve stayed tuned in with Hubby to make sure I match him bottle for bottle, but I just haven’t been able to keep up. My milk supply has worked well for Monkey up until now, but pumping just isn’t the same. Maybe if I pumped every hour I could do it, but when would I work? I already feel like I’m living on borrowed lab time in between pumping sessions every three hours. I wonder what people would say if I walked around the lab in one of these contraptions.
So, after one full day back at work, Hubby and I have pretty much resigned ourselves to supplementing Monkey’s feedings with formula, a decision that is leading to even more mommy guilt. I know one formula bottle a day isn’t the end of the world, but I really wanted to keep Monkey exclusively breast-fed as long as possible, up to a year. After today, I don’t know how any of the nursing-and-working mommies out there keep it up that long.