Overwhelmed, but finding my confidence

It’s been a crazy few weeks, and I finally took an unexpected hiatus from blogging to try and get my head wrapped around everything going on in my life. I talked on my LabSpaces blog about all that’s going on in the lab, where I’m currently trying to balance two different projects to be written up for publication while on maternity leave. On it’s own, this is a lot to handle. But add on preparation for the the Little Monkey, and my head feels like it’s spinning off my neck.

The problem is, I can’t really begin to get stuff ready for the Monkey right now. We still have our condo on the market, and we’ve only had two showings (and no offers) since we put it up after July 4. It’s looking more and more like we’ll be staying here for a little while longer, which I don’t mind, but we promised ourselves that we’d leave it on the market until Labor Day. And we refuse to set up a nursery here until we know we’re not moving. I had a shower this past weekend back home (a very fun but quick and exhausting trip in itself), and we now have the Monkey’s toys, clothes, and bedding piled up in the closet. All I want to do is nest before I get huge!

Speaking of huge: the belly is starting to take over my body, and my feet are beginning to disappear. This part is actually quite exciting, although I feel like I’ve become more of a walking incubator than a woman (which is generating it’s own set of issues at home, but that’s another story). It’s quite exciting to watch the Monkey move around in there now. The internet says he’s about 13 inches long, the length of an English Hothouse Cucumber. Hubby picked one of these up at the store yesterday – he’s got a mean yogurt and cucumber dip that he likes to make – in honor of the Little Monkey. I held it up to my belly and now understand why the Monkey is able to hurt me when he stretches out – not much room in there for his full length little body!

With all of the change that’s occurring right now, I’m starting to feel like I actually can do this. Maybe I’m delusional, or maybe I’m developing some weird maternal confidence…I have no idea. While I’m almost in my third trimester, my energy level is remaining high and, with the exception of sporadic hormonal attacks, I’m feeling like a halfway normal human being. I’m even still able to make it two miles on my morning run, although the “run” has become more of a “jog”. I’m still scared shitless about how this is all going to work out, but there’s some self-assurance building in behind the fear. I can do this…I’m (pretty) sure of it.


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