It’s been a completely crappy day.

I’ve been contributing to some things outside of the lab, but still work-related, for the past year. For the most part, it has been a good experience, and I’ve learned a lot about how university administration and politics play a role in my everyday work life. But I’ve been stretched really thin for the past couple of weeks while trying to finish up some the projects I’ve been involved with. Making things worse, I’ve run into all kinds of bureaucratic bullshit this past week, which has started making this whole experience quite unbearable.

On top of it all, I’m starting to get the overwhelming feeling that this has been completely unappreciated by others. Maybe that’s just what happens when everything is run by committee, but it’s especially discomforting right now. I’m not sure if I’ve stepped on toes – nobody has told me if I have. I’ve only tried to step up and do something instead of just bitching about how crappy things are in my little corner of the world. But I’m not sure it’s come across that way. Or maybe I’m just taking things the wrong way. I really have no idea, and the resulting insecurity is killing me.

On days like this, it seems staying in my own little hole would make others happier and keep me from feeling like utter shit. I think it’s time to go for a run.

UPDATE: Since my rant earlier today, things have substantially improved. I’ve talked to a few people about some of the politicking, the red tape is loosening, and my sanity is returning. And, as always, the run helped. 🙂


2 thoughts on “Ugh

  1. Oh Dr. O, how many times I have had these experiences too. Unfortunately, somewhat depressingly, it seems this kind of thing is the norm in the “grown-up” world rather than the exception. So-called adults are surprisingly immature about this kind of stuff–and they aren't as good at talking it through as we all were in college/grad school/etc. I miss those days where people were way more surface in their reactions to things, rather than all this undercurrent bullshit. Can you tell I've been dealing with some of this too lately? lol.

  2. Man, the grown-up world sucks! 😛 I think it's crazy how we always feel so ready to move on; then, once we get to that next “grown-up” level, we realize how much more BS we've inherited. If only we could learn early on to enjoy that carefree time!

    I'm also feeling very insecure since receiving my grant review, and I'm letting other stuff affect me more than I normally would. But I know it'll get better…I'm faking the confidence right now, but I'll get the real stuff back at some point, hopefully!

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