So I have one more thing to check off my list, at least for this month…I’m not pregnant. 😦 I’m actually handling it much better this month than last. I miscarried (technically referred to as a chemical pregnancy since I didn’t quite make it to 6 weeks) just after Christmas. Although it happened really early, my husband and I had just enough time, about a week, to get excited about it. Ironically, I was on my way to my first doctor’s appointment when it happened.
Funny thing, although it was the first month that we technically were trying, we weren’t really trying. I had oral surgery that month, my Grandmother was going between the hospital and rehab with broken vertebrae and pneumonia, and our minds just weren’t in it. But, none-the-less, it happened. And, when we found out, on Christmas Day, we couldn’t have been more thrilled. I don’t think we realized how quickly and easily it could go away. Luckily, we had only told a few close family members – I think, when it happens again, we’ll keep it much closer to the vest.
So, like I said, I’m taking it much better this month than last. There was a horrible sadness when we realized I wasn’t pregnant in January. This month, though I’m kind of let down, it just doesn’t feel quite as awful, for several reasons I think. One, my husband and I have learned how to talk about it. The first month, I tried to just put it out of mind (not a good approach for us worriers if you read Mrs. Comet Hunter’s posts). Instead, hubby and I have talked quite a bit about it, especially what we’ll do if, worst case scenario, I can’t get pregnant (we’ve been talking about adopting Haitian babies). So there’s less of a feeling of hopelessness and feeling very alone.
Now I’m not naive – I know there will be hard months up ahead if this takes a while. But I know we can handle it. And I know, at some point, we’ll have little ones to love and take care of.