One more thing

So I have one more thing to check off my list, at least for this month…I’m not pregnant. 😦 I’m actually handling it much better this month than last. I miscarried (technically referred to as a chemical pregnancy since I didn’t quite make it to 6 weeks) just after Christmas. Although it happened really early, my husband and I had just enough time, about a week, to get excited about it. Ironically, I was on my way to my first doctor’s appointment when it happened.

Funny thing, although it was the first month that we technically were trying, we weren’t really trying. I had oral surgery that month, my Grandmother was going between the hospital and rehab with broken vertebrae and pneumonia, and our minds just weren’t in it. But, none-the-less, it happened. And, when we found out, on Christmas Day, we couldn’t have been more thrilled. I don’t think we realized how quickly and easily it could go away. Luckily, we had only told a few close family members – I think, when it happens again, we’ll keep it much closer to the vest.

So, like I said, I’m taking it much better this month than last. There was a horrible sadness when we realized I wasn’t pregnant in January. This month, though I’m kind of let down, it just doesn’t feel quite as awful, for several reasons I think. One, my husband and I have learned how to talk about it. The first month, I tried to just put it out of mind (not a good approach for us worriers if you read Mrs. Comet Hunter’s posts). Instead, hubby and I have talked quite a bit about it, especially what we’ll do if, worst case scenario, I can’t get pregnant (we’ve been talking about adopting Haitian babies). So there’s less of a feeling of hopelessness and feeling very alone.

Now I’m not naive – I know there will be hard months up ahead if this takes a while. But I know we can handle it. And I know, at some point, we’ll have little ones to love and take care of.

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5 thoughts on “One more thing

  1. Hang in there, Dr. O, and keep trying. I know how hard it is to see the single line on the stick the first few months you're trying but this, like almost all things, takes time.

    For the record and hilariousness, the word verification under my comment is “pokin”.

  2. It is so hard, I'm also a type A worrier, and it was agonizing when we were trying to get pregnant because all the PMS symptoms and early pregnancy symptoms are the same. Those weeks and weeks of waiting, the fear of getting too excited, it just lasts forever.

    And I know this won't help either, hah, but even when everything is going fine it feels the same way the whole pregnancy and forever afterwards. My friend said: “Basically, I realized one day that I would never, ever not be mortally worried about SOMETHING ever again.”

    Take care of yourself and hang in there.

  3. Arlenna: The fact I can't tell the diff between pregnancy and PMS symptoms is the worst!! I really like your friend's statement – best to accept the worry now!

    Isis: Thanks also for the supportive comment. And, btw, I can't stop laughing about “pokin” and #science confessions on Twitter – thanks for sharing!

    Laughter is definitely the best medicine…

  4. Oh, gosh, this is hard! I remember being so worried while we were trying to get pregnant (we had to jump through hoops), then in the beginning of the pregnancy, and now as this baby needs to come out, I suspect it won't end the worrying at all! Best of luck to you; the rough start doesn't mean things can't go well for you soon!

  5. Thanks ScienceGirl…I'm betting the worrying won't stop any time soon. 😉 Sending you lots of good thoughts for the induction this week…I know you can't wait to meet your little one!

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